we have officially lost it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
