Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
