Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
