oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
