Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
