Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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