Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Randomize
