Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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