college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
