college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
