The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
