Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
