4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
