I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
