my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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