One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
