I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
