just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize