No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
