Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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