I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
