Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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