rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
