Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
