and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
