I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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