so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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