Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
