I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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