would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
