Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
