suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize
