She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude. I can hear the air.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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