I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
