so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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