Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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