If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
