Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
