But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize