So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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