Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
