What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
