I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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