My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love having hate sex.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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