You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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