I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
