I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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