im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
