I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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