do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
