so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
