So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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