You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
