I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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