It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
