my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You've changed since you got that strap on
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize