I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
