you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
