Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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