Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
