As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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