There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
