I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
