He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
