So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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