Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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