I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
