why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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