Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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