jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
