I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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