i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
