Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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