not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
