You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
