my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
