i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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