we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
