If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so let's talk penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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