Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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