The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
