BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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