I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
