i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i have two assholes
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
