have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
