Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
