you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize