Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
