Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
