it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
