i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize