I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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