Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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